


haunting me

by exylo



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/F, lena is not okay, not really with a happy ending but with a hopeful undertone, this is kinda sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 14:28:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17489729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exylo/pseuds/exylo
Summary: The first time they sleep together, Lena spends over an hour in the shower afterwards.





	haunting me

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fan fiction I've published since....7 years? So be gentle, guys.

The first time they sleep together, Lena spends over an hour in the shower afterwards.  
The scalding hot water is burning her skin and she wishes she could wash away the guilt, but it’s deep inside of her, making her stomach twist and churn.  
She stares at the white bathroom tiles and her body is numb.  
For the first time in forever, there’s nothing on her mind, but she does not feel ease. - It feels like the worst is yet to come.  
When her body finally responds and she leaves the shower, her bedroom is empty.  
At first she is relieved, then there is a pang of loneliness in her chest.  
She knew Widowmaker was not going to stay, but it doesn’t change anything about the way she feels.

She only finds refuge in moments of bliss, when cold hands grip her thighs and lips ghost over her neck.  
They’re both touchstarved, each for a different reason.  
But Lena does not only want to be touched, she wants to be seen, she wants to be known and worst of all, she wants to be loved.  
That’s just something Widow can’t give her, never will.  
Yet Lena lies to herself (something she had always been particular good at) and tells herself that this is fine, hell, she even goes as far to say this is good for her.  
It’s really not fair for anyone.

Some nights Lena begs to be hurt.  
The shame she feels afterwards does not compare to the feeling of relief.  
Sometimes she wonders why she could never fall in love with the girls that smelled like spring and kissed her carefully, as if she were made of porcellain.  
Instead, it always comes down to this.

See, Lena’s driving down a highway called life, always looking for a certain kind of thrill but at some point, her car started swirling out of control.  
So she hands over the steering wheel to Widowmaker for one night - at least that’s what she tells herself everytime. That it’s one night only.  
It used to be one nights stands that would kiss the pain all better, silly girls she picked up in bars, who were a little too intoxicated (just like Lena) and laughed a little too loud about her jokes.  
It’s different with Widowmaker.  
The thing they have, it’s consistent.  
But there’s not gentleness, no soft kissing, it’s all rough and tells a story of unfulfilled desires - she leaves Lena with nothing but bite marks and bruises as souvenirs.  
Sometimes Lena wonders what it means. Possessiveness? The need to hurt somebody? Maybe real affection shown in a twisted way?  
She is better off not thinking at all.

It’s a lie though.  
Some nights they go slow and gentle, at least as gentle as it’s possible for Widowmaker.  
Those are Lena’s favorites.  
It’s where Widow resembles her old self so much, it makes Lena forget, it gives her the oppurtunity to pretend.  
At the end of the night she comes with the wrong name on her lips.  
It’s the name of woman who’s been dead for a long time and Widowmaker doesn’t even flinch.

It’s happening over and over again and each time Lena wakes up on her own and it’s not like she minds, really, she just likes being around people.  
She likes to be with Widowmaker, loved to be with Amélie.  
Maybe one day she will wake up, and when a cold body is still pressing to hers, she’ll know there is hope.  
Then she might go into the kitchen and make two cups of coffee.  
Black, no milk, no sugar, exactly the way Amélie loved it.


End file.
